How to do feedback, right.
If there is one leadership skill that consistently makes individuals stronger or weaker, it’s feedback. However, many leaders avoid giving feedback because they worry about hurting someone’s feelings, saying it the wrong way, or creating conflict. So, instead they soften the message, delay the conversation, or say nothing at all.
When that happens, employees experience something quieter, but far more damaging: drift. Without feedback, people don’t fully understand what success looks like. Small problems compound. Frustrations go unspoken. Growth slows because people don’t know what to adjust, and not only that, individuals don’t get the development needed for career growth, and wind up frustrated, often looking for a new opporutnity.
Feedback is one of the core ways leaders create clarity, equity, learning, better performance, and growth.
Feedback Isn’t One Thing
One reason feedback feels uncomfortable is that we often treat it as a single category when it’s actually three different practices.
1. Appreciation
Positive feedback, or appreciation reinforces what’s working. It recognizes effort, progress, and impact. It helps people understand what to continue doing. Without appreciation, team members can feel invisible or undervalued.
What it sounds like: “I noticed how you made space for everyone to share their ideas in the meeting today. That helped the team reach a stronger solution and made people feel included.”
2. Developmental Feedback
Developmental feedback helps someone grow. It’s forward looking and focused on behaviors (not personality) that help someone learn and improve. It clarifies what could work better next time and supports skill development. Ideally, developmental feedback is given with the receiver’s goals in mind. What do they care about? What do they want to get better at? Framing it this way can help it land as a caring gift rather than a challenging viewpoint.
What it sounds like: “I know you want to get better at influencing others through your presentation skills. The presentation had a lot of valuable information, but the length made it difficult for the group to stay focused. You might consider highlighting the three most important points and putting the rest in an appendix.”
3. Evaluative Feedback
Evaluative feedback clarifies performance relative to expectations. It should be clear, direct, and anchored to agreed expectations or role standards. It answers the questions: Am I meeting expectations?? This type of feedback is often tied to milestones, project outcomes, or performance cycles.
What it sounds like: “For someone in this role, we expect clear follow-through on commitments. Over the past month, a few deadlines have slipped without advance communication. That means the work isn’t fully meeting expectations right now.”
Good evaluative feedback:
References clear expectations (for the role, project or task)
States the evaluation directly (meeting / exceeding / not meeting)
Avoids vagueness (“doing fine,” “could be better”)
Separates judgment of performance from judgment of the person
Most problems with feedback happen when leaders mix up these three different types of feedback or avoid one of them entirely. A leader who gives appreciation, but no developmental feedback leaves people guessing about how to improve. A leader who only gives evaluative feedback can create anxiety without supporting growth.
Feedback Is an Equity Practice
Research on workplace feedback shows that access to developmental feedback isn’t distributed equally (Textio). In a large scale analysis of written performance reviews they found that Black women are up to 9x more likely to receive non-actionable feedback and women in general receive 22% more personality-based feedback than men, rather than focused on specific behaviors or skills.
When developmental feedback flows unevenly, opportunity does too. As a result, this slows skill growth which reduces access to stretch assignments then can affect promotion and advancement.
Feedback is one of the engines of opportunity inside organizations, and when leaders offer clear, behavior-based feedback consistently across their teams, they create more equitable access to growth.
A Simple Structure for Developmental Feedback
One reason leaders hesitate to give feedback is that they don’t know how to start the conversation.
One approach we often teach is the C.A.R.E.S model (Connect, Action, Result, Explore, Shift). It provides a clear flow for developmental feedback that keeps the conversation grounded and constructive.
Connect
Start by setting the intention for the conversation and creating psychological safety. Let the person know why you’re sharing the feedback and how it connects to their growth or success.
For example: “I want to share something that might help strengthen your impact in meetings.”
This signals that the conversation is meant to support development rather than criticize.
Action
Describe the specific behavior you observed. Focus on the facts of what happened rather than interpreting motives.
For example: “In yesterday’s discussion you shared several ideas quickly.”
Staying close to observable behavior helps keep the conversation grounded and easier to receive.
Result
Explain the impact or outcome that followed. This helps the other person understand why the behavior matters.
For example: “The result was that a few people didn’t get a chance to weigh in.”
Linking behavior to impact turns feedback into useful information rather than personal judgment.
Explore
Invite the person’s perspective. Ask how they experienced the moment or what they were aiming to accomplish. Seek to understand more.
For example: “I’m curious how that moment felt from your perspective.”
This step turns feedback into a conversation instead of a one-way evaluation.
Shift
Finally, discuss what might be helpful to try going forward. The goal is learning and adjustment, not perfection.
For example: “For the next meeting, it might help to pause after sharing your ideas and invite others into the conversation.”
Using a structure like C.A.R.E.S. helps feedback stay focused on behavior, impact, and learning. It keeps the conversation collaborative and makes it easier for both people to engage. Over time, these small conversations build the kind of clarity and trust that strong teams rely on.
Receiving Feedback Is a Leadership Skill Too
One of the most powerful signals a leader can send is how they approach receiving feedback. A useful stance when receiving feedback includes a few simple behaviors:
Ask for feedback, and even better is to frame the request around a specific learning goal you’re working on. For example: “One of my goals is to get better at X, can you share some feedback about what you’re noticing or one thing I could do differently to improve in that area?”
Listen fully before responding
Acknowledge the impact of what you are hearing
Ask clarifying questions and seek to understand
Choose your response intentionally – this will either signal you’re open to hearing more feedback in the future, or not. You don’t have to agree with every piece of feedback you receive. Sometimes the most constructive response is simply saying “thank you for the feedback, let me think more about that.” Leaders who respond with openness make it easier for others to speak honestly and for you to receive more feedback in the future.
You’re role-modeling the gift of feedback when you’re open to learning and understanding other’s perceptions and experiences of your behavior.
Feedback Is a Practice
Feedback improves with practice and it becomes easier when leaders treat it as a normal part of working together rather than a rare, high stakes event.
A few questions can help build that practice:
What appreciation could you offer this week to reinforce what’s working?
What developmental feedback might help someone move forward in their goals?
Where might someone on your team need clearer expectations?
Small, consistent feedback conversations create stronger teams over time because clarity, learning, and trust accumulate.
Download the C.A.R.E.S Feedback Model
If you want a simple structure you can use in real conversations, we created a one page guide to the C.A.R.E.S feedback model. You can use it to prepare for feedback conversations or keep it nearby as a quick reference.
